PoPo

Cop. 5-0. Police. Asshole. Savior. Good guys. Donuts. Coffee. These are some words that come to mind when I tell people I am going into law enforcement. "Why the hell do you want to do that?" "You are nuts!" "Wow...thats a thankless job."

Recently I have been thinking quite a bit about my career choice. I am always questioned as to why I would want to be a police officer and I usually brush off the topic and say "I like guns and cars...this way I get paid to play with both" or something to that effect. I know why I want to be a cop, and its not to play with guns or drive fast cars or even having the power to taze and ticket.

To be completely honest, I want to make a difference in my community. I look around and I see people being robbed on and off campus. Kids are turning to drugs and alcohol. Women and children are taken advantage of physically and sexually and I want to change all of that. I have always wanted to do something with my life that I can look back on and be proud to tell my children about.

What do you think of when you see a police car? I used to think, oh crap...was I speeding, I REALLY can't afford another ticket. Now when I see a police officer or cop car I think, thank God you are here.

Do you want to know what scares me the most about being a police officer? It's not being shot in the line of duty, or going into dangerous situations. I truly fear that I will become apathetic to the needs of the citizens I am there to protect. I worry that I will become complacent in the mundane, everyday comings and goings of police work.

I look forward though, to being there for people who have just experienced the most traumatic experience of their lives. I am excited to be able to make a difference in my community and leave my mark. I hope that I can live up to the expectations I have for myself and that others have of me.

Police work is not for everyone, of that I am sure, but I know I can do it.

Hate

Hate, this word stirs up so many memories from my youth. "I hate this game" "I hate you" "Don't you hate it when..." "I HATE that teacher" Hate can be a good thing at times, but often it holds us back and blinds us from the truth.

As I sit here I am reminded of a few times when I allowed hate to blind me from the truth in a few situations. I remember in high school I hated this kid Tommo for no good reason, he spent a lot of time with a girl I was interested in and I just hated him for it. Later, he would come to be my best friend in school and we still keep in touch today...though not as much as I'd like.

I am also reminded of a time in my life when I hated my father. He would always be gone on business trips for a few days at a time and for this I began to hate him. He used to take me to school every day and hold my hand all the way to the class room, this was kindergarten and he was my hero. Then one day it just stopped with no warning. I could not understand why my hero, the man I looked up to for everything, did not want to take me to school or spend time at home with me. I now appreciate the sacrifices my father made to support the family. He did not want to be away from us but he had to.

The hate I felt then followed me throughout my youth and into my college years. I have just recently begun to realize how much that hatred had blinded me then and held me back from so much. I am just glad that I had realized it so soon, before its too late.

Hate is a powerful thing. It can fuel a person's success or it can cripple a persons ability to feel. I have learned recently that I have some unresolved hate in my heart and I am working to clean it out. I just hope that I can make amens with those who have hurt me and I them before that is no longer an option.

Love

Love...this word has so many meanings for so many people. "I love pizza" "Oh god, I LOVE that song" "I love you" "Do you love me?" "We used to love each other, what happened?" Love is also something we take for granted. Love can not be bought but it can be lost. Love is what fuels us but also cripples us at times.

I consider myself to be a lucky guy, I have a girl who I love and who actually loves me too. Admittedly I have taken this love for granted as the years have gone by. As of late though, I find myself remembering why I fell in love with this girl in the first place.

When I first saw her she was wearing her lacrosse uniform and carrying her book-bag under her arm and she took my breath away. I thought to my self, self...this the girl for me. After a short time I finally took her to a movie, well to be honest she drove (I paid). I can remember how nervous I was that night. I probably tried on five different outfits before settling on jeans and a t shirt. When she arrived I had about 100 butterflies in my stomach, I was silent for most of the night and during the movie I kept...cracking my neck (a tick I was unaware of). Later I would come to find that she believed I had something wrong with me...cracking my neck endlessly throughout a movie.

A short time later I saw her in a dress for the first time and she looked so perfect. To this day I have a picture of her in her prom dress smiling at the camera from her seat in the limo. In this picture, the love of my life looks like a princess and am lucky enough to be with her. I remember now the first time I said "I love you." I was so nervous that she would not feel the same way, but I threw caution to the wind and said it. Luckily she replied "I love you too." In that moment she took my breath away just the same way as the first time I saw her.

After these years I am still in awe that this beautiful, smart, and funny girl found something in me that she liked and has stuck with me all this time.

I love you and I cannot imagine my life without you. You are the most beautiful woman I have ever met and you are the one I have been waiting for since before I even knew what love was. I cannot express how great full I am that you have come along.